it’s funny how my mom likes to make everything into a goddamn gossip circle. even the death of my close friend. “well i heard he was doing this, and so and so said he was going through this” I DONT GIVE A FUCK! he’s gone. i dont care what everyone said, or why it happened. it happened so just shut the fuck up.
I don’t remember the details… but i was stuck in places…. I can’t remember any specific person or force that was after me, or trying to harm me, but i was definitely trying to get away from someone or something, it was dangerous, it was looking for me, and i couldn’t get away. Things that didn’t make sense would happen, I’d start running away, down a road and suddenly be facing a cliff dropping miles.
It wasn’t like one of those dreams where your weak: run as hard as you can and get nowhere, just keep falling, tripping over yourself. hit someone as hard as you can and it’s nothing… No i was running, i was working…. it was everything around me that wasn’t.
And each time I’d wake up, rather than pulling myself out of it, being thankful for a chance to be done with the repetition, the confinement, the danger- I’d force myself back to sleep, i had to get away, i had to leave, and be safe, I was so involved in it, it was so real….
When i did get up it was due to my alarm clock letting me know it was time to start on school work. When i did get up i was almost sure i was still in the dream… I wasn’t waking up to ‘it was just a dream, desert, it was only a dream.’ I woke up and had to keep reminding myself that I’m awake now. this is reality, where things that defy the laws of physics don’t happen. After a couple hours reality from dream was distinguishable, my focus came back to my responsibilities. But the feeling that something’s after me… like sometings gonna suck me back into it…. i’m still working on that one.
